Please, only my mom calls me Delicatessen Quintuplet.

You can call me Delinquent.

Subgenius Propaganda 

@knuxify well it used to be that all the snakes were banned from ireland, but this guy named Valentine performed illegal weddings for them because he really believed in true love, so now the catholics half-way worship him or something.

that's why some people still say "Will you be my valentine?" and "Will you marry my snakes, amen, holy ghost!" interchangeably.

I have never once in the past fifteen years intentionally opened iTunes, but nonetheless, sometimes it just starts bouncing in my dock down there as though I'm going to be happy to see it this time.

this weekend imma watch Pirates of Dark Water, and then read Ghosts of Saltmarsh, and then we'll just see what happens

dozens ✅ boosted

@cpb: "proceed to using Like buttons as Like buttons!"

cc @clarjon1

i cannot WAIT to upload my consciousness into a machine.

my flesh form continues to degrade and disappoint.

Ventriloquism is just deploying your voice to the cloud.

VENMO stands for "Ventriloquist Money" because if you're a ventriloquist you can "put your money where your mouth is" and make it seem like it's coming from somewhere else, and that lays the groundwork for how online money transfers happen.

thought I was out of time but turns out now I have these 30 extra stupid minutes, which is somehow even worse, I mean what am I even supposed to do with this paltry measly number of minutes

it is an insulting number of minutes I didn't even ask for

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